These past few days have, at the very least, been exhausting - physically, mentally and emotionally. Everything I believed that would have probably occurred has indeed happened (albeit, deep down I ever so hoped it wouldn't have).

My thoughts still continue racing and my heart aches by even the slightest reminder of what unfolded in the past two days. It really is one thing to imagine something happening versus when it actually does unfold - being stripped of the comforting thought that it's not real when the reality of it sinks in is a real band-aid rip.


Feeling the lowest of the lows, the saddest of the sad and so terribly heart broken, it makes me wonder what did this achieve?

Being left behind by the one you love (or so it feels), like an overdue book awaiting its return to once again sit on the dusty book shelf. It is a deep sorrow and pain that seems bottomless right now; the pain of being felt forgotten; the heart wrenching ache of being overlooked; the overwhelming thoughts of losing your one sanctuary.

I never realised that there was ever the potential for us to have become inundated amongst this chaos. I wanted to so badly believe you had a justifiable reason to leave me and my mess to deal with alone. I clung onto any hope that there was a good enough excuse.

There wasn't.

And with that, a part of me broke.



Though shattered glass can be put back together, the tiny slithers of where it broke will always remain. Despite the pain of what has ensued these few days has been overbearingly aching, I find myself still wanting to see you and hold you and make sure you're okay.

I miss you too much.

Even through our sharp-cutting words, numbing silences, constant sighs and raging emotions, I always look back retrospectively and find myself having learnt something new. I learn lessons about myself and about the other person.

I have come to realise I have grown too impatient - I have lost my respect for the time of others that I once used to have. Too quick to assume, too hasty towards conclusions, too stubborn to think otherwise.

Labels: forus, foryou, mythoughts